Lovely Love Struggles

Today I felt different.
My love life is very complicated right now, and I could really use some help with it. I know what you are thinking, it can’t be complicated, you’re only 16. I think you’re wrong, and there is only one way to know who’s right : read this post!
Let me start at the very beginning of the story:
There is this boy who is way older than me (7 years!), and he is the best friend of my ex boyfriend (my age). We hang out a lot, and I considered him a very good friend. This weekend I slept at his house, and we had fun. But when I was about to leave, he suddenly kissed me and told me how much he loved me. I love him too, but as a very dear friend. I panicked and left without saying anything because I had no clue how to react to his speech about his love for me.. Now he keeps talking to me and calling me, but I’m afraid to say something back, I’m so confused!
At the same time, his best friend (also 7 years older) is also flirting with me, and I think I am starting to have feelings for him.. But I can’t date the best friend of the guys that is madly in love with me, can I?
As this wasn’t enough, my ex started talking to me again today, about a year after our breakup. He wants me back, and a part of me still loves him, but I don’t know if I want to risk it.

Well, these are my love life problems. Pretty bad, isn’t it? I really don’t want to hurt somebody, but I don’t know how.. I hope you could help me out a little, or give me some useful advice. Actually, it even doesn’t have to be useful. I could use a good talk right now 🙂

If somebody magically has the same struggles, I know the feeling bro! Hope we can exchange some ideas about it all!
To end this post, here is a beautiful quote my greek teacher told us today in class:

” At the touch of love, everybody becomes a poet” – Plato

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How Music Saved Me

Whenever I feel lost, I listen to music. Sometimes I even play it myself. I mentally embrace the song, and refuse to let go of it. Well, until the next song starts to play. Then it’s time to move on, an leave my sad thoughts, connecting them to the song.
Songs are my way of releasing my anger and sadness. I won’t scream. I won’t cry. I simply put my feelings in my music.

Last summer, somebody I was very close to committed suicide. I was devastated. I still am. Though my world stopped spinning now she was dead , my music had never been so alive. All my favorite songs got a whole new meaning. Every word of the lyrics meant the world to me. Without that music, I think I would’ve been dead now.
Have you ever felt so hopeless? Like there was no way out?
I’ve been there, I have experienced every bit of that mental state. And believe me, you are better off happy. Suicide is not the way to deal with your problems. The thing that stopped me, was once again music. Not by me putting my feelings into it, but by letting the song in my heart. Lyrics about love, life, traveling all over the world. You can’t miss that! If you leave now, how about your first tattoo or piercing? How about children, how about college? How about traveling around the world in 88 days? Nobody can leave until their bucket list is finished. I am still writing mine, so how can I leave when I haven’t even finished writing, let go of doing everything!

I am not going to review what I’ve just written. I won’t change a single word. It came right from my heart. Hopefully you will feel my emotions in yours. Thumbs up for music, thumbs up for salvation.

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Love and Rome

I haven’t been updating my blog for some time now. But one night, tonight, I suddenly realized I had a blog, and I wanted to update it.
Many things happened in my life lately, and today it’s one big mess. I have been writing, drawing, practicing my sports. I thought I’d fallen in love, but it turned out to be a very painful experience. But hey, that’s what life’s all about, isn’t it? Learning.

One one thing that provided clarity were, again, my friends. We went on a 10 day school trip to Rome, Italy. I walked through all the small Italian streets with my best friends, had dinner in lovely restaurants, went to the Vatican and did so many other things I can’t even name right now or this post would be a kilometer long.
My friends were there, again. And Rome. They say everybody should’ve seen Rome at least once in their lives, and I was always skeptical about that.. A city can’t be that fantastic. Oh boy, I’ve never been more wrong. I went home three months ago, and I already want to visit that lovely city again!


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Breaking Free

Breaking free. Sounds amazing to me, but it requires a lot of work.. I am willing to fight for it, how about you?

There are so many people who can not “break free” and are living in horrible circumstances. I want this to chance. I am willing to break free, and I won’t do it for me, but for them! I fight. Do  you fight with me?

When I finish highschool I want to be a doctor, but not one here in Holland. No. I want to fight. I want to be a doctor in a third world land. I want to make a chance, not for me, but for them. I hope I can make this happen. Well, I know I can do that as long as I fight.

You don’t have to be a doctor to fight. You can also help by raising money or distribute flyers. I hope you will, I hope you will fight.

We need to make a chance, because the people who need us are waiting and suffering more every single day. They need our help. I am helping them, I will continue.
I. Will. Fight.

Do you fight with me?

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Imagination is …

“Imagination is more important than knowledge”  – Albert Einstein


This man was a true genius and without him.. I have no idea where science would be without him. But a genius, he was almost a philosopher. His quotes are amazing, and oh so true. I just wanted to share that. 🙂

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Your Own Perfect Little Heaven

What’s on the other side? Where do you go? Do you even go anywhere? What are you going to do, once you arrived? They say God knows, but what if he doesn’t?

You are gone, you have had a wonderful (or maybe less wonderful) life. It will be over, for every single one of us. Nobody can deny it. Nobody should. But where do you go?
Though I study all beta subjects (and I should maybe know there is no such thing as Heaven because where could it probably be?) I still believe in a place like Heaven. Foolish and childish? Maybe.
I think heaven is my perfect little space. The paradise where I will re-meet my deceased family and friends and where the love of my life will be waiting. There I will feel like I fly and fall at the same time, and there are no bad things. No rain, green fields, lovely weather, sandy beaches, the best music and enough time and space to practice all my sports. That would be my Heaven. I think everybody has their own Heaven, like your soul goes to your personal parallel dimension of happiness.

I hope this is true so bad, because when it is, I don’t have to fear death. I don’t have to be afraid of dying and missing everything on earth, because I will be in a place where I can be utterly happy. And when you don’t fear death, you can see the real beauty of life, and live like everyday is going to be the last. That’s what I am going to believe, because with my faith in a beautiful Heaven, I know no fear.

How do you find it?
Maybe there is a God who knows where we can find Heaven, but beta as I am, I don’t believe that. There are so many explanations for life on earth, lightning, earthquakes etc. I just can’t believe there is a God. Sorry if I insult you, I can’t help it.
Heaven is a place you have to deserve, and the only one who will say if you deserve it, are you. You decide for yourself, and be truly honest with yourself, if you deserve it. In my opinion, everybody has good it him/herself, so please let it out and your own perfect little paradise will be waiting for you when it’s your time.

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My Best Friend

I miss you my dear,
every step of the road to infinity.
I want to hold you my dear,
and never let your sweet eyes go.

I want to kiss your cheek,
and pull you closer and closer to me.
Because of you I am who I am,
And it hurts me you never got to see.
See another days sunrise.

You make me brave,
So I can move mountains.
You make me go weak inside and emote the love,
That is brought to me by you, Angel.
You, always making the day a shade lighter, make me feel like I belong in Heaven instead of Hell,
Why did you leave me because what I’m going to say is oh so true:

Though you’re gone I’ll never stop loving you.

– Susan Tim Chase –

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